Mom on Board

I didn't expect it, but I made it to the beach this afternoon, just in time to be blinded by the setting sun as I paddled out into the waves. I couldn't see a thing, the light was so bright and no amount of squinting made it better.

It was the first time I really didn't enjoy myself. The water seemed colder than ever before - even with my booties - even though it had been in the seventies and eighties all weekend. And I felt so out of shape, I could barely paddle through the sets rolling in at 4:30 p.m.

Enthusiasm was barely present. Ashton had thrown a fit on my way out the door and insisted on coming with me. Trinity, who'd just started squeezing the lemons she'd picked from our tree, had a fit because that meant she had to come too. She bitched. He whined.

I scowled.

"Not a very zen return to the ocean," I thought as the whole family drove to the beach.

But the absence of enthusiasm was an interesting thing. In a way I'd never experienced before, I was just there. Just in the ocean.  Just being blinded by the sun. Just being annoyed. Just getting hammered by the waves. Just surfing.

And that was just it. Even though there was no epiphany, no revelation, no release from all suffering, I can honestly say - even with the cold, the glare, the bad waves and the bad kids - surfing is better than not surfing. And that's all there is to it.

Me. Not Surfing.

A combination of rainy weather and illness has reminded me why I started surfing in the first place.  Dreading the daily monotony of meals, dressing and undressing kids, baths and more meals, I'm feeling cranky, cantankerous and resentful - like a house slave, basically

Almost all the mothers I know rely heavily on either alcohol, marijuana or separation/divorce to get some space and sanity for themselves away from their maternal responsibilities. Alcohol and marijuana are not good friends of mine and though I was tempted to blame my marriage last year when I realized my life  wasn't giving me the juice, I like my husband. It's not his fault.

I got along in life semi-okay before I ever started surfing. But I didn't have two kids back then. With two kids it's both a necessity and sometimes seemingly an impossibility. Still, it's the kind of impossibility I relish: more than, say, I'd relish the impossibility of three kids. 

What stumps me is that  some women enjoy having lots of kids, noise and chaos around them. But I am not like this.

It may be another week or so  before I get back in the water, weather permitting. In the meantime, last night I ordered a bunch of stuff on Amazon to get me excited: a "Yoga for Surfers" DVD, Gerry Lopez's book "Surf is Where You Find It" and Jamal Yogis's "Saltwater Buddha."

Me. Not Surfing. Just a case of temporary insanity.

Gone, Baby Gone

No, we did not find my flying board.
Someone else got to Big Mama Wave first.
So now I'm in the market for something new.
Either an exact (or semi-exact) replacement or an upgrade.
It doesn't look like Costco is currently manufacturing this beauty - a 6'9" foam board called a Wavestorm - so I can buy one used on Craigs List or inherit/buy one from a friend or acquaintance.


I also just got a posting from the 310 Surf Chicks about getting this cute girly board used for $200. It's called a Surf Betty. Isn't she...feminine? I'm just not sure I want to graduate from foam to fiberglass yet. The difference? Balance, weight and the pain/injury factor if I hit myself in the head with it.

Lost My Board?

There's really more to say today than can be crammed into one measly blog, so I'll give you some bullet points. But first... Look at that rad picture a nice lady named Nisa took of me on the beach last night. Sweet.

Now for the bullet points:

1) Was gonna buy myself a waterproof watch for Christmas. Then discovered that my favorite watch ever - a red-faced Swiss Army Victorinox from the Sundance Catalog - is waterproof. Presto! Surfing Watch achieved!

2) Got booties: My BFF M.M. bought these superb round toe Infiniti bamboo fiber booties for me as a birthday gift. It took many trips to get them, but get them I finally did.

3) Took the booties for a spin at sunset last night. Made me realize how much I tolerate being uncomfortable and then wondered where else in my life am I doing the equivalent of surfing in bitterly cold water without my booties?

4) Went out again just before sunset tonight and it was ecstasy, booties and all. Caught the best ride of my surfing life so far. Not feeling cold may make a huge difference.

5) The water was silver blue glass under the setting sun and the waves were 0-1 feet. That means small - really small. But perfect for me.

6) In my post-surfing ecstatic bliss,  I watched the final light of dusk before driving home.

7) Without strapping my board to my car.

8) And heard it fly off the roof as I rode home on the 10 Freeway.

9) Yep. Lost my board.

10) Um huh. Brian's on his way right now to check if it's still there. Stay tuned...

White Out

Driving to the beach this morning, I didn't think too much of the fog that was rolling in. There's often more fog as you go west from Culver City. Arriving at the beach, I still wasn't concerned.

Walking down the hill from my car, I felt the familiar strengthening feeling I get when my legs are doing what I'm telling them to do - not what they want to do, not what they're used to doing. Going surfing is still not routine. Especially lately, with the colds, and the cold, I'm making myself go when it would be a lot cozier to stay under the blankets. And the results have been so mixed, I don't exactly jump out of bed to hit the 55 degree water.

So I walked - only to find myself enveloped in the thickest fog I've ever experienced in my life. Since I haven't yet worked up a system whereby I bring a camera to the beach while I hit the waves, you'll have to take my word for it. This was a white out. I could see the water rolling up onto the sand, a few yards beyond that and then...nothing. Or nearly nothing.

After watching a fellow surfer run straight in, I saw three other guys out there. Through the haze, I could even see them go for some waves. But I could hardly see the waves. I hesitated. I hate backing off from things because I'm scared, but honestly, the lack of visibility scared me.  What if something happened? I could quietly sink into oblivion when help might have been feet away.  Never mind the pummeling I would undoubtedly take by waves I never saw coming.

It took me a while to distinguish between prudence and terror.  Sure, Eddie would have gone - those four guys went. But then I realized that in addition to my fears, real and imagined, was actual inexperience.   Without anyone to egg me on, without anyone to coach me, or even without anyone to brave the unknown alongside me - I turned around.

It put me in one hell of a bad mood to have walked away from what otherwise might have been perfectly good waves, but I have PMS and had just gotten a parking ticket, so I might have been in a bad mood anyway. And there's always another wave. Or so they say.

Surfing the Chakras

Today was one of those days when everything seemed to be going not-my-way: when it looked like I was trapped by circumstances.  Today was one of those days when all I could see was that I'm
home-schooling a seven year old, day-caring a two year old, not making enough money and feeling the creativity and life drained out of me minute-by-minute while A.X. refused to nap. Today was one of those days when I really needed to do some yoga.

Fortunately, nap was achieved and I got on the mat. What I did was a twenty-minute Chakra Balancing Yoga class I downloaded from YogaDownload.com . (YogaDownload.com, by the way, has changed my yoga practice and, I do not lie, my life.  I HIGHLY recommend it for anyone who can't get out of the house to do yoga.)

What did I get from today's practice?

Firstly, Chakra Balancing is a great thing to do when you're stressed. Secondly,  my Red, Yellow, Purple and White Chakras seem to be going strong, but my Orange, Green and Blue Chakras? Not so much. In short, while I'm expressing a strong will and being intuitively plugged in, I'm feeling sensually/creatively deprived and my heart's not very open. A pretty accurate diagnosis.

Time to start remembering I am more than my circumstances. And opening my heart.


Lots of pictures and more about chakras  here.

Back in the water?

Not quite yet, but I should be getting there as soon as this afternoon or tomorrow morning. After I drop by Rider Shack to get those booties. But even before booties - an update on how the past month has slipped away with no surfing, lots and lots of prayer, and even more love.

On November 12, while enduring my semi-regular bout of early winter-ish bronchitis, I turned 41. 

For Thanksgiving week, we traveled to Seattle to visit my Mom and briefly considered buying the foreclosure next door. The pluses - low cost of living, lots of green, lots of espresso and lots of museums where Brian could work. The minuses -  no surfing (at least nearby), very little sunshine and no community.

Also, my Mom's in the midst of applying for a job that would relocate her to San Diego. So pray she gets it - not only would we be somewhat reunited, but there would be lots of opportunities to surf San Diego County.

Now we're back, my health is better and the water temperature is almost ten degrees lower than it was in October. Which leads me back to those booties...

And one more thing. I've missed the water.

In the past, I would have called it quits after failing to fulfill my dream of regularly surfing for this long. But I'm not giving up. It's that simple.