My current research into the state of women's athletics - as well as plain common sense - led me to suspect that posting a photo of myself in a bikini would generate more comments than usual.
What I didn't suspect was that posting a photo of myself in a bikini would generate a conversation about youth, maturity, fantasy, ideals and dreams.
What I also hadn't realized was that posing for said photo was the outcome of giving up youthful fantasies of omnipotence and universal acclaim in favor of a more authentic life - that a genuine grasp of my own gifts and limitations had lead to a greater acceptance of myself in a bikini.
On the one hand, life has certainly humbled me - kicked me down more than a few notches. On the other, it's given me a greater capacity to be real, to love, to express my flaws, to give what I can rather than waste precious energy trying to make myself into someone I was never meant to be.
Buckminster Fuller was a man who, in his own words, had failed at everything until he decided to put his energies towards serving the universal good. It was only the death of his own youthful fantasies and ego drives that permitted him to become the widely admired and influential man he became - a man committed to engineering solutions for the world's greatest problems.
If giving up my own youthful fantasies and ego drives has permitted me to pose in a bikini for the world to see and subsequently inspire conversation about what really matters in this confusing world of ours- then I say to everyone - Ego Death! Bring it on!
Great post, Jes! You might want to contribute something to BlogHer's Own Your Beauty series. Each month has a different theme. Next month's theme is agelessness: http://www.blogher.com/own-your-beauty
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